you better be doubtful

I feel a lot like I harp on/concentrate on the same social topics over and over to the point where I may become one long drone - sexual & relationship violence/consent, institutionalized violence, body autonomy, economic justice, dismantling whiteness, gender equity, and so on. There is never a day when these matters are not crucially important to me.

But there are some days when I want to just lie face down on my bed and not talk or hear about any of it. I don't really have the luxury of doing so most of the time, and I'm very much aware that those rare moments when I'm not forced to confront such things simply because I live in my body in this world are because of fucked-up social structures that I benefit from also because I live in my body in this world.

I've felt like that for pretty much all of 2012.

It might be that I have narrowed my access to information so that the headlines I get are particularly tailored to my social concerns, or it might be that this election cycle - and the proposed Republican platform specifically - feels particularly threatening to me personally. This is not new news, but it feels particularly urgent right now. Much of the dialogue I'm reading from left-activist corners feels like it's failing really basic stuff (like an intersectional analysis that takes into account the impact of race, gender, class and sexuality all at the same time as opposed to focusing solely on one axis), and so I find myself reading (and sometimes writing) a lot of necessary 101 responses - but they are the same kinds of responses people have been making to ignorance in activism for the last FORTY YEARS.

I am tired. Tired. Tired. I am not the only one.

There are a few things I am taking solace in: making music. Building things. Being with the people I trust and love. Good food and books and records and movies.

I am glad I have those things in my life.

But I am so tired.

At the same time, I feel like I have to pick myself up, dust myself off, and keep fighting no matter how little energy I have, because times are so incredibly critical. I try to use my voice where it's useful, try to promote others' voices where that's what's needed, try to share the resources I have and help community organizations connect with one another if I can.

Sometimes I feel very lonely. Other times I feel lucky, surrounded by others who understand, others who are fighting too, others who I look up to.

This is going to be a pretty short piece, but I just wanted to acknowledge that I feel lucky to have this space to share my thoughts, as I am lucky to have the people around me both virtually and in my "real" life that I do. If anyone else is feeling isolated and alone in this horrendous political climate, feeling small against institutions that were built broken and have further corrupted, let's squeeze one another's hands for support. Let's lean on one another.