1. If there's a story in the news about rape charges or a survivor brings a story to you, don't dismiss that story. Listen. Don't assume automatically that the charges are false or could be false. The chances of it being false are extremely low.
Don't make excuses for the person who is being charged or the person you're being told the story about ("Wow, but he's always been cool to me!" is the most obvious example of the kind of dismissive language/excuse I'm talking about here). No matter your intentions, this is rape-apologist language, and it's one of the many factors that contribute toward survivors not speaking up - a cultural atmosphere in which we we as survivors have historically had our experiences scrutinized, minimized and dismissed.
2. If a survivor comes to you with a story and would like advice as to how to proceed, let the survivor direct the course of action (as long as that course of action isn't dangerous to anyone). Remember that there are survivors' organizations and crisis centers in your area that can help and have the resources to do more than you can alone; that's always my first suggestion. Those organizations will also in many cases help the survivor through criminal, legal and medical filing if that's what the survivor chooses to do.
3. Donate your time and/or money to a worthwhile organization that supports survivors' services in your area. There are local and national shelters, hotlines, and other nonprofit organizations that are always in need of your energy.
4. If the person being accused of assault is an artist or musician (or producer of goods, so on and so forth), step back and question why you're supporting this person's work, if you are. There are enough artists and musicians out there that you're not losing anything significant by not focusing on, supporting or choosing not to associate yourself with that person's work. If that person is a member of your community, help figure out community strategies to deal with the resultant issues. Keep in mind that safety within the community comes first.
5. Take the time to educate yourself. Start here:
Yes Means Yes
Rape Victim Advocates
Support New York
Men Can Stop Rape
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100% support 2, 3 and 5.
ReplyDeleteOn 4, I can agree with perhaps questioning your support of someones goods or services made by someone who is convicted of any sort of crime involving sexual violence. However, shouldn't we as a society treat the accused as innocent until proven guilty?
On 1, our society absolutely has to do a better job being supportive of survivors of rape and enabling them to come forward and seek justice. Nobody should dismiss charges of rape, but nobody should be jumping to conclusions that the accused is guilty either. Yes, the number of rape accusations that are false is low. Why does the number matter? It is wrong for one person to falsely accuse another person of sexual violence. It is wrong for 100 people to falsely accuse another person of sexual violence. It is wrong for 10,000 people to falsely accuse another person of sexual violence. And just because one demands that we treat the accused as innocent until proven guilty, it does not make one a "rape apologist" nor does it mean that the person is saying that the woman is a liar. Our society can both demand that the accused be treated as innocent until proven guilty while giving the woman the support she needs to come forward and submit all the necessary evidence so the state can prove its case.
In a perfect world, nobody would make a false accusation of rape. Of course, in a perfect world nobody would be raped either.
For a very short period of time as a teenager, I was at risk of being charged falsely with sexual assault. Fortunately, the story given was so obviously flawed that the state never pursued charges against me. But that didn't stop the fear of what might happen to me if she was able to get away with her lie and cause me to go to jail for something I did not do. And while I do not blame all women for what she did, and while I do accept that most women who do say that they are raped are being honest about it, the fact that men are falsely accused should not just be brushed off as a statistical anomaly.
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ReplyDeleteDaniel,
ReplyDeleteI mention the statistical likelihood of false accusations as a counterpoint to the rhetoric espoused by the men's rights movement and other people who put forth the argument that false rape accusations are exceedingly common as a means to completely dismiss completely legitimate and real situations. (See a good deal of the discourse around the recent Assange charges for that kind of speech.) Yes, false accusations happen (I am very sorry that that happened to you). Yes, they are damaging to everyone involved and to the stories of real survivors trying to make our voices heard. Do they happen as often as many people say they do? No, they don't.
My point in 1) and 4) that you are talking about is simply that someone coming forward with a report of sexual assault should not be immediately dismissed or doubted, a point with which I believe you agree. Support for emotional distress is the first concern, period.
There are a good number of studies and books out there about the ways in which the judicial mechanism fails in certain circumstances, particularly in sexual assault cases. Many people are dubious of even entering their complaints into that system because of the way that it can be weighted against survivors.
Here's an op/ed piece that goes deeper into that issue: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/30/opinion/30kristof.html?_r=1
"Innocent until proven guilty" is a wonderful idea, but it doesn't work out as well in practice as we would like.
* Emotional and/or physical distress, I should say.
ReplyDeleteinteresting blog!
ReplyDeleteWow, this is a really interesting read. I completely agree, and now that I think about it saying things like "Oh, he's always been so nice" really IS an apologetic dismissal. I've never had anyone come to me with something as serious as rape or abuse, but I'm glad that I read this.
ReplyDelete"I mention the statistical likelihood of false accusations as a counterpoint to the rhetoric espoused by the men's rights movement and other people who put forth the argument that false rape accusations are exceedingly common as a means to completely dismiss completely legitimate and real situations. "
ReplyDeleteThere should be a way to combat the misogynists (who claim to advocate for "men's rights" who use false rape accusations as a means to dismiss legitimate rape accusations) without dismissing the actual and real harm that is done by those who would make false accusations of any sort of sexual violence. To me, focusing on the frequency does harm to those of us who have been victims of the false accusation. To me, it seems dismissive of our pain that we have dealt with (or are still dealing with).
Wouldn't a better counterpoint be that we should be treating individual accusations of rape on their own merits and not based on any other accusation of rape? If "Jane" accuses "John" of rape, that "Lisa" made a previous false accusation and that "Judy" was legitimately raped should have nothing to do with "Jane" and her accusation.
"My point in 1) and 4) that you are talking about is simply that someone coming forward with a report of sexual assault should not be immediately dismissed or doubted, a point with which I believe you agree. Support for emotional distress is the first concern, period."
You are correct, we agree on that point.
""Innocent until proven guilty" is a wonderful idea, but it doesn't work out as well in practice as we would like. "
But we should strive to treat all people as such, even if we fail along the way.
Daniel,
ReplyDeleteYou are arguing the theoretical when this post is about the practical.
Yes, individual accusations should be treated on their own merits. We agree on that point. The problem is that they don't happen in a vacuum. This post is about practical support, and practical support takes the surrounding culture into consideration.
Obviously these are just blanket guidelines and there is room for individual experiences and conversations within them.
I am not trying to dismiss your experience or diminish what you've gone through.
Here is some context for my position (with many, many helpful links and a lot of good information):
ReplyDeletehttp://www.manboobz.com/2010/11/mens-rights-myth-false-rape-accusations.html
I worry about the suggestion that we should boycott businesses because someone has been accused of a crime.
ReplyDeleteI think we should let the justice system do its job and save speculation until a verdict is reached. I also know that we need to help improve the justice system so it can do its job better.
By the way, some of the responses by the MRA over on that manboobz page you linked to are disgusting.
ReplyDeleteThey sure are.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I am not calling for an across-the-board boycott of anything. There's a difference between boycotting/blacklisting and conscious consumption, which is what I advocate.
ReplyDeleteI even discussed one of the idiots on my new blog. (The idiot who suggests that it is in some way "radical" to suggest that a woman who says no but doesn't fight back is a victim of rape).
ReplyDeleteI guess I am just not seeing what you think should be done if an artist/business owner/etc is accused of a crime containing sexual violence.