not yr fucking fetish object (2010 remaster)

I've been in love with music my whole life. I was raised by two musician parents, both of whom encouraged me (and continue to encourage me) to make and love and be critical of music. I started learning to repair amps because it was the family business - I was inspired by my dad's experience with it and lucky enough to have his resources at my fingertips (I'm still an apprentice in many ways).

I was also lucky enough to be introduced by my parents to DIY music before I would have discovered it on my own. I got into punk in the early '90s and never looked back. As I grew and learned about politics and became deeply invested in changing the system for the better, I was galvanized by riot grrl (a movement for which there is clearly a need for a critical history; there were powerful and beautiful things about it just as there were dangerous lessons about classism, racism, transphobia and so on to be learned) and by bands like Minutemen - our band could be your life, indeed. My experiences in music opened me up to questioning power, questioning consumption and to making art out of hideous experiences - to friendships and frustrations.

Fast forward to 2010; I'm still making music, still buying records, still giving a shit. I doubt I'll "grow out" of it at this point. It's not news that there are women involved in music at every level from consumer to producer - musicians and songwriters, label owners and employees, promoters, reviewers, publicists, record store owners and employees, so on and so forth. We're everywhere! Why, then, is it still an uphill battle to be a woman involved in music? We've made inroads, right? We're visible, right?

The answer is sadly simple: because music culture (both mainstream and DIY) is still a sexist paradigm. It's one of those cultural corners where women end up ants under the magnifying glass, on fire because we've gotten a concentrated and focused dose of misogyny.

Silvana at Tiger Beatdown makes some points in her post that I agree with, particularly this one:
"Being a feminist who is into music and cares about feminism and women in music is a giant pain in the ass, because music is the greatest haven of all time for ITSJUSTMYOPINION-ism. Because, you see? Music is art. Which means if you try to criticize someone’s personal taste, especially if you are suggesting that they don’t like woman-made music because THEY HATE WOMEN, you will get nowhere. There is almost no argument you can make that will have any effect whatsoever, because it’s just my opinion, man. And people believe, they believe with all their hearts, that they are entitled to their opinions when it comes to art, even if those opinions are stupid."

Then her personal viewpoint diverges with mine, because I love music that she describes as "dude music," music made "by dudes for dudes," music that she doesn't find personally resonant (which I obviously have no quibble with). I've found something to glom onto in some of those styles, even in styles that are harsh and nasty and that you have to watch for misogynist/generally sketchy undertones in. (I grew up on death metal, fast hardcore and early '80s industrial music, for goodness' sake.) By no means do I dismiss music made by women; I love and support other female musicians and love a lot of music made by women too.

I know a lot of other smart, strong, feminist women who also find "dude" music appealing.

The trouble with being a feminist who likes "dude" music as much as she likes "lady" music is that you will run the risk of being a weird fetish object to a lot of the men you come across. You might be treated at first like "one of the boys," but it will become quickly apparent that a lot of the men you meet through musical channels are fascinated by the fact that you are A GIRL but you like THE SAME THINGS THEY DO. (The flipside of the Fetish Object is the Invisible Girl - the woman who simply doesn't exist and isn't acknowledged or is quickly dismissed no matter how loud she yells because she doesn't fit into a prescribed role.)

I fell into the velvet chains of this role for a while when I was younger. I am somewhere in the spectrum of physical attractiveness between Traditionally Attractive Babe and Hideous Gorgon, and I used to focus on the things about my body and self that were not traditionally attractive and beat myself up for them (because that's what consumer culture encourages us to do. P.S. Buy this thing that we promise will bring you closer in line with the ideal we're showing you!). When the men around me started trying to get in my pants because I was A GIRL but I had "good taste" I thought it was flattering instead of a technique meant to minimize me, put me on a pedestal instead of allowing me to be an equal.

I know some women who have bought this bill of goods so completely that they tear down other women involved in their scene because they've been buttered up so many times with the li(n)e about how no other women are as "cool," have as much cultural cache, like such "dudely" things as they do. This hurts my heart so fully and dearly because I'm so close to it. It is destructive and it is real and we need to fucking cut it out. It's the same internalized sexism that causes women on fashion blogs to critique celebrities' weight. It comes from fear and self-doubt and the pressure of misogyny.

There is no reason that this conversation can't be loud and continuing and always present. We as women in music can change the culture and are doing so right now in many different venues. This entry is just one drop in the ocean. Let's flood this fucking world.

P.S. I'll also use this entry to plug Women in Music, an incredible organization, total trash music, a great blog focusing on women in DIY music, and Tuberculosis, a young LA band I can't stop listening to.